Time and time again I have attended engagement ceremonies of couples who are expecting a baby. I’m not saying it’s wrong to get engaged and start a new life with the one that you love. And to say the least, most of us are going towards that destination when we are in a relationship: In short, we want to go further and make that big step with the person we truly love and respect.
Before I digress my point is; should people get married because they are expecting a baby? I have heard stories of a guy who impregnates a girl who is just their friend, and also a story of a girl who is expecting a baby and the man responsible is her ex-boyfriend or just a friend.
When you ask them if there is love between them, the answers will surprise you. They usually say it just happened. I am not judging though, these things are happening everyday and everywhere in this world.
Culturally, when a girl is found pregnant the parents or guardians send her packing to the guy’s place. And if it happens that the girl is in school and dependent on parents then she packs her bags because she has no say. But again my questions are:
• Should you suffer for the rest of your life by being with somebody you don’t love because of one mistake?
• Should pregnancy be the new chikole or engagement ring?
I am not encouraging sex before marriage but these are the questions that pop up in my head sometimes. A good friend of mine told me a story about a guy, who impregnated a random girl he wasn’t dating, and of course didn’t love her. After some arrangements from parents they moved in together and started a family. This is very good for the child because he/she has both parents around and gets love from both parents.
Unfortunately, they stayed together for almost a year and it didn’t work out; the guy admitted that even though he loves the child but he does not love the girl. And he said he didn’t want to live a lie for the rest of his life. As I speak, the girl went to be with her parents and the guy is engaged and still supports his baby. People may hate the guy for his decision but sometimes, it is better to face the reality. Honestly, I feel sad for the lady because she might have felt used and rejected. I can imagine the pain she felt when the guy got engaged with another girl but I think she is better off knowing the truth.
I kept on thinking about this subject and I thought of hearing from someone who is well vested in these issues. I talked to Mr. Robert Mwangwiro who is a Zone Treasurer for Lilongwe Scomaf and Deputy Clerk of board, at PCM Area 25 congregation.
He said it is a very selfish decision to get pregnant in the first place. He added that it is silly not to know one’s boundaries and later call it a mistake. He however says young people do not have to stay in the “mistake.”
Having that in mind, what would Jesus say? In the scripture he says “go and sin no more” and you can ask for forgiveness. This however, doesn’t justify the conduct nevertheless the lady and the man need to take full responsibility of the child that is coming. This does not mean that they are obliged to get married because Marriage is a life time project: It is not a try and error thing. One has to be mature for it and there is need for thorough preparation.
And also I urge young people to get married when they are ready and mature. Don’t get married because you are afraid of people. As I said marriage is a big project and needs commitment. Therefore, I urge young people to flee and live a sexually pure life till they get married to avoid confusing themselves as Robert Mwangwiro said in a chat I had with him yesterday.
We can have different views on this issue but my opinion is; take your time, think about it, get advice from elders and pray about it. If you know getting married was not on your plan then don’t get married because you are about to bring a life. But if you know it is okay and you are ready, then you can go ahead.
It is a very different case when you guys love each other and you’re willing to marry. All you have to do is follow proper procedures and involve God almighty. I have never been married nor pregnant but if that happened to me, I would discuss it with my boyfriend if we are ready to get married.